Well, Yeah

In retrospect, trying to start a new lifestyle, or resetting my old one, was perhaps not wise in the face of my most challenging week this year. Grades for this week: F-. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I was flying solo this week–spouse was out of town. I had sole care of child and dog. I had my busiest week–deadlines galore, full day trials, full day conferences, and more speaking engagements than my voice could actually handle. Of course, everything went wrong and no one cooperated and technology conspired against me I spent several nights after the kid went to bed, literally crying into my rum and eggnog.

It’s a new week, people. This is me being honest and accountable.


A Few Days and A Test

Day 1: really brisk 30 minute walk. Was completely sucking air by the end. Yay pneumonia! Ate decently; yogurt, chicken broth, turkey chili, and a salad were the menu. I did catch myself eating a handful of goldfish, but since I managed to stop myself a few fish in, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. Wh yes, I did say caught myself–that’s pretty much how it happens. I don’t realize I’m eating crap until I look down at my hand, and there it is! I slipped, put my hand out, and the chocolate fell right in, officer, I swear.

Day 2: No real concentrated workout, but lots of activity. We decorated the house, so lots of up and down stairs, and standing almost all day. Then I took out for a slower walk; it’s hard t get a brisk walk in when you’ve got a kid along, but it was still activity. Food was fine; an egg, pulled chicken, and now, I can’t remember lunch.

Today: hmm. Activity level will be low, but I am wiped out still from yesterday. Alas, I have to make cinnamon buns. I have eaten one–a small one. The test is to make sure I don’t eat anymore.

Tomorrow is going to be hard. I’ve got no time in the morning or the day to get in a workout, and Jeff is out of town starting tomorrow for the rest of the week. So, hopefully, I get to school in time to get the kid, then get her home, do the usual routine, and get her to bed. Then, I will do some yoga or barre work.


The Point

This isn’t a blog where I’m really looking for interaction. I’ve got one of those. This is to keep myself accountable through journaling food, exercise, writing, and other mindfulness goals I have. You want to play along? Great. You don’t? Fantastic.

And do remember what your mother taught you: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Hi. I’m Grace. I’m 50 lbs overweight, though you really can’t tell that from looking at me. I just carry extra weight well, which is actually kind of a problem for me. I look okay! It’s fine! It’s not.

I was a Division 1 athlete in college. Then I went to law school, and sat and studied, and ate donuts because I was stressed. There was no time to work out. Then I got married and I tried to work out. I got better at it. Then I got pregnant, and my body clung to every single pound after my kid was born, like each pound was the difference between life and death.  Oh, and I had gestational diabetes, which remained controlled, through diet and insulin. Kiddo was a totally normal size when born, thank you modern medicine. My family is prone to diabetes, so I need to be much more careful than I am. 

Then, I spiraled into a crazy whirlwind of depression, anxiety, and terror when my brand new baby was diagnosed with a condition requiring a major operation on her skull and brain. I did nothing to help myself. Then, until she turned 1.5, she never slept. I’m not joking. At night, she woke up every 45 minutes, screaming.  We would soothe her back to sleep, maybe fall asleep for a few minutes ourselves, repeat. Do you know how hard it is to care about physical fitness when you have slept no more than 7-10 hours per week? It’s pretty damn hard. It’s even easier to reach for the chocolate.

I started getting a grip on things and emerging from the haze when she turned 3. I was actually moving along at a really good pace, until two months ago, when I started feeling terrible. I stopped working out. I ate mashed potatoes. I finally went to the doctor when I couldn’t breathe—pneumonia! So, I haven’t been able to work out for more than two months. I ate like crap and undid all the work I had done. So, here I am.

Here are the time limitations: Kiddo is turning 4 in January. I am a lawyer. My husband has an equally demanding job, actually more so. Daycare is arranged in such a manner that I am responsible for 1/2 drop offs, and 3/4 pick ups. Husband gets ready in the morning, so I am on kid patrol in the morning. I am on kid patrol in the evening. Husband and I have a thriving marriage because we make time for each other in the evening and on weekends. Our weekends tend to be pretty packed. I like to sleep. My job times are fairly flexible, but I can’t workout in the middle of the day. All is good as long as I am getting my hours in and work done.

Fun bonus facts: I have rotator cuffs which are malformed, so I need to be doing regular physical therapy. My shoulder movements are fairly restricted due to this, but they should be much better than they are. I blew out my knee, so I should be doing regular physical therapy for that, but it bothers me far less than my shoulders do. I have other old athletic injuries that act up from time to time, but nothing major beyond those two.

Here are the tracking goals: Update this sucker once a week, at least. Track everything in a handwritten fitness and health journal.

Here are the fitness goals:

(1) 3 high intensity workouts per week. For this, I count the barre class I like to attend; most of the workouts my former personal trainer showed me; my favorite bike/weights workout combo; swimming for 30 or more minutes. This may be more difficult at first, and I will have to scale down, since I am still recovering from pneumonia.

(2) 2 low intensity active days. For this, I count long brisk walks; pilates; yoga; my at home, in front of the TV, abs/weights workouts; just walking on the treadmill; etc.

(3) Make the damn doctor’s appointments that I’ve been avoiding. I know they’re going make me do bloodwork. I don’t wanna. I hafta. I give myself until March to make the appointment. I would like to loose some weight before then to avoid the inevitable shaming that happens.

(4) Lose some weight. This is nebulous. I know what weight I felt I best at, but I was a D1 athlete then, playing 2 college sports, going to the gym once or more a day. That’s not sustainable anymore. Also, I am not 19-21 anymore. I have to find a new normal, and I am not sure what that is. For now, I just want to see progress again. I will reassess at that doctor’s appointment in March. 

(5) In the next month, investigate the possibility of getting a referral from my doctor to a real nutritionist, not a hack job. Find out how much they cost, and if they take insurance. Proceed from there. I’d like some better guidance on what I should be doing.

(6) Increase shoulder strength and flexibility. This means regularly engaging in physical therapy, which is booooooring and painful. I am aiming for PT 3 times per week. 2 of those can be included in my low intensity days. The other one should be on one of the nebulous rest days.

That should be enough upheaval and life change for the moment.